What is grief?
Grief is an experience that happens to all of us from time to time. It is your mind’s way of dealing with a significant loss. This loss does not have to be through death though. Losing a job, a relationship, or even moving to a new home can trigger the grieving process. Most often, people feel sadness, regret, nostalgia, and even anger as they move through the stages of grieving. Because it can be an intense experience, it’s important to know that your brain is actually working differently than it normally would. This is why you might find yourself feeling foggy, forgetful, irritable, and even physically sore, just to name a few symptoms. We all grieve differently, so it is ok if you feel that your mourning process is more intense, less intense, lasts longer or shorter, etc. than other people’s.
Grief Counseling
Grief counseling helps you work through your pain instead of staying in denial about it. As you move through your grief, you are able to leave the pain behind you so that you can move on with your life. With over twenty years of experience helping walk people through grief, and even traumatic grief, I can confidently tell you that letting yourself face the pain will be far easier than denying it because you actually work through it to resolution vs leaving it unresolved. It can feel lonely enough to move through grief, but you should not feel like you have to do it alone. I will not tell you how your “should” or “should not” grieve; I will, however, offer support and suggestions on what kinds of things might help as you go through it. You’ll walk away with life lessons that will help you for the rest of your life.
Signs of Grieving
Many people have heard about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief:
- Shock and Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
But this list is certainly not exhaustive. I have seen as many as 20 stages of grief. The point is that nobody goes through the exact same grief process. And those stages usually bounce around for a while (see the picture at the top of this page).
Common symptoms you may experience as you go through grief can include:
- All of the stages above
- Eating too much or too little
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Feelings of intense isolation
- Difficulty staying focused or concentrating
- Physically clumsy
- Headaches and stomach aches
- Feeling like you are ‘out-of-body;’ like you are in auto-pilot
- Frequent crying
- Reminiscing about the past, even to the point of being distracted from things you need to get done
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
There are other experiences that people have when going through grief. Regardless of what you are grieving, and how you are going through it, there is nothing wrong about getting some help to move through it.
Questions about Grief Counseling
Will it ever get better?
Yes. It may not seem like it right now, and that is normal, but the pain will pass and you will get back to normal again. You can help the process along by taking good care of yourself by:
- Talking to people you trust
- Allowing yourself to cry
- Letting yourself go through the stages of grief (see above in the main article)
- When it’s time, begin to do things that you would normally do; it may feel forced at first, but returning to normalcy will help you get back on track
- Eat healthy foods and drink plenty of water
- Avoid excessive alcohol and drug use
And remember, different people grieve differently and for different lengths of time. There is no right or wrong way to go through the grieving process (other than doing harmful things like alcohol and drugs or self-harm, etc).
Is it weird to be so sad about losing a pet?
Not at all. Pets are innocent and love us unconditionally. This often means that it is harder to deal with grief over a beloved pet than it is to deal with the loss of a friend or family member. This is normal and it’s ok. The grief will pass, but definitely get some support if you want or need to.
Do I need medication?
Probably not, but it is OK to talk to your doctor or psychiatrist to see what they think. Most people move through the stages of grief by living a healthy lifestyle, leaning on their support system, and getting back to normal when they feel ready.
How does greif counseling help?
Grief counseling helps you understand what grief is so you can gain insight into how to help yourself through the pain. It is a process of adjusting to a new normal where your loss goes from painful to acceptance, then back to normal. Getting therapy when you are grieving will also give you coping skills that help you manage those painful emotions.
Jonathan F. Anderson, LCMHC, LPC-s
Jonathan is dually licensed in North Carolina as a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor (LCMHC, formerly LPC) and in Texas as a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-s). He completed his Bachelor‘s degree at the University of Texas, Austin, in 1994, and his Master’s Degree at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, in 1997. Jonathan has been a leader in the teletherapy industry for over 20-years. He has written telephone counseling training protocols for an international teletherapy provider and was the lead trainer at the same organization. Jonathan has completed Level II of the rigorous Gottman Method of Couples Counseling, and is recognized as an advanced provider of Critical Incident Stress Debriefing and Management. He is happy to be able to apply his expertise of online and telephone counseling to his trauma response and to all of his counseling services.